So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
