Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
time to smoke my breakfast
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
