i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
