he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
