he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
