Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
