im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
