goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
