I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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