The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
