I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
