a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
