I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
