i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
