dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
