My first STD was from a foam party
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
