i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize