You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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