drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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