So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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