$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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