last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
