Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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