Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
