i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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