road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
