So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
