I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
