I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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