I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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