I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
