And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We talked him into tasing himself.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
