You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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