i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
