My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
