Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
