one might say we're banned from that church
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I want her autograph on my taint
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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