just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
