I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
