my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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