oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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