I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
