I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
