Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
