Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
