I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
