explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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