You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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