Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
