I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
