so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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