you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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