I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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