and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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