Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
