i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need a beard to bite.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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