apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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