At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's official drugs can't kill me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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