I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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