I can text with my tongue
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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