i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Are we still banned from the library?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
