Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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