Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
