Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
