i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize