He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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